A TOUCH OF SADNESS UNEXPLAINED

THERE IS SOMETHING ABOUT…

...Memorial Day, 4^th of July and Labor Day that have always caused a touch of sadness within me. It hasn’t mattered if I’ve had big plans, small plans or no plans. I’ve experienced this same phenomenon when I lived in New Jersey, Virginia, New York, Florida or been anyplace else when one of those days hit. Being with family, friends, strangers or alone has made no difference either. I’m still hit with a touch of sadness, regret and ennui.

Now, just to be perfectly clear about these feelings vis-à-vis holidays, I am perfectly fine on all of the other ones, well, with the exception of a bit of down at Easter. That’s just a touch though. In fact, for all of the other big days of the year, I am rather enthusiastic and rather eagerly participatory. Not so with these three, though.

I can remember picnics at our house when I was a kid. I guess they were some fun, but they always seemed more trouble than they were worth. Sometimes we went to Bubbling Springs Lake or down the shore or to someone else’s backyard. I guess they were fun then. I don’t remember the sadness back then, but that may just be a memory glitch. Maybe not. Maybe there wasn’t any sadness. I don’t remember having been allowed to be sad when I was a kid anyway.  

For most of my life Memorial Day, at least, should have been a happy occasion. It signaled that school would soon be ending. It wasn’t though. I could understand the 4^th of July’s being a bit of a bummer because that signaled that summer was half over and lesson plans, tests, record keeping, difficult students and parents and administrators would all be coming back into my life in another month. Naturally, Labor Day should be the worst, but it wasn’t anywhere as down as the other two.

I wonder if it has anything to do with the onset of heat of summer. Maybe. I remember planning my being drafted into the army in February so that I wouldn’t have to go through basic training in the heat of summer after school ended. So, here I am in Florida, enjoying the heat even in summer. No, the heat isn’t it.

Maybe it is just my attitude generally about holidays. I tend to prefer intimate and somewhat reflective atmosphere for them, all of them. There really isn’t anything more intimate than a family and/or friends get together. Yet, even when I was in my salad days with wild friends at Riis Park, stoned, buzzed from booze and naked in the ocean there was still a sadness. No. It isn’t my general attitude about holidays.

I like the fact that at those three times of the year it is especially quiet because everyone has gone to the beach or the lake or the mountains or to someone’s backyard. No, I’m not sad when it is quiet at other times of the year. I actually like the quiet and solitude. It is one side of my Pisces nature. No. the quiet can’t be it.

Well, I can’t figure it out. I can’t put my finger on the clue or the key. So, I guess that all I can do is to enjoy the quiet and solitude or plan an event for some or many friends. I can take the time to do things like this and explore or do whatever the moment affords and catches my interest and enjoy it all, even the sadness.

Happy Memorial Day…4^th of July…Labor Day.

Huh!